Resources for Parents and Family of LGBTQ+ Youth
Sean’s Legacy gratefully acknowledges Lucy Dollinger, CHES for the assistance in the preparation of this report.
Sources:
1. What to Do (and Not Do) When Your Child Comes Out to You: https://www.familyequality.org/2018/06/01/what-to-do-and-not-do-when-your-child-comes-out-to-you/
2. How should I respond if my child comes out to me?: https://www.livingout.org/resources/how-should-i-respond-if-my-child-comes-out-to-me
3. What should I teach my high school-aged teen about identity?: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/high-school/what-should-i-teach-my-high-school-aged-teen-about-identity
As a parent or guardian whose child has just come out to you, you may be feeling a range of conflicting emotions. You may feel unsure how to react or concerned about your child’s future. This is a common experience, but how you respond is vital.
As a parent or guardian whose child has just come out to you, you may be feeling a range of conflicting emotions. You may feel unsure how to react or concerned about your child’s future. This is a common experience, but how you respond is vital. According to the Family Acceptance Project, family rejection can cause harm to a child’s self-worth and self-esteem; this means that your reactions can have a lifelong impact on your child (Ryan, 2009). Additionally, gay and transgender teens who were highly rejected by family can be at high risk for physical and mental health problems as they become young adults (Ryan, 2009). The most important thing is to continue to show the love and support you have for your child.
Here we have listed a number of Do’s and Don’ts for what to do when your child comes out. We’ve also included a number of organizations, resources, and guides to support you as a parent of an LGBTQ+ child. To start, there is the Lead with Love film that was created for parents whose children have just come out to them. This 35 minute film follows four families with LGBT children, with testimonies from the parents and families on how they worked through that news and came to support their children, and testimonies from the children on how important that was for them. Next there is the PFLAG organization which is a way for parents and families of LGBTQ+ youth to get connected. They have over 400 chapters across the country, as well as resources on their website. Check out the additional resources and educational materials below to support you and your child.
What to Do (and Not Do) When Your Child Comes Out to You
Do:
Tell them you believe them.
Love and accept them unconditionally.
Ask them what kind of support they need.
Listen to them and ask open ended questions.
Respect and use the name and pronouns they want to use.
Commit to being an ally for the LGBTQ+ community.
Get support for yourself.
Don’t:
Ignore it.
Say you “knew it all along.”
Tell them it's all a phase.
Speculate about what “caused it.”
Equate it to a mental health condition.
Use religion to shame them.
Resources and Guides
PFLAG: https://pflag.org
This organization for parents of LGBTQ children will give parents and families ideas for being allies and connecting them with other parents to get involved with the LGBTQ+ community
The Trevor Project - Q&A For Family + Friends:
Family + Friends: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/family-friends/
This link is connected with the Trevor Project and their FAQs of how to be a good family or friend to a LGBTQ+ community member.
Lead with Love Film: https://leadwithlovefilm.com
This video explaining how to handle a loved one coming out and answer most common questions you may have.
Find a LGBTQ Friendly Church: https://www.believeoutloud.com/resources/find-a-church/
This link can help you find an LGBTQ+ friendly church in your city.
Family Acceptance Project:
Family Acceptance Project ®: https://familyproject.sfsu.edu
This link is a good resource hub for posters, publications, and other resources family and other loved ones can use to learn more on how to support their loved one.
“Supportive Families, Healthy Children: Helping Families with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Children”: https://familyproject.sfsu.edu/sites/default/files/FAP_English%20Booklet_pst.pdf
This is a handbook link on how to be a supportive family member to someone who identifies as part of the LGBTQ+ community.
Human Rights Campaign
Parent Guides: https://www.hrc.org/resources/parenting
This guide gives tips on how to be a supportive parent to a loved one in the LGBTQ+ community.
My Kid is Gay Website:
Frequently Asked Questions: https://www.mykidisgay.com/resources-1
Another good website for FAQs on having an LGBTQ+ child in the family.
American Psychological Association
“Answers to Your Questions - For a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality”: https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/orientation.pdf
“Answers to Your Questions - About Transgender People, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression”: https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.pdf
These two links are resources for better assistance on answering any questions you may have about sexual orientation and gender identity and to give more clarification on certain sub-topics relating to the LGBTQ+ community.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
“Ending Conversion Therapy: Supporting and Affirming LGBTQ Youth”: https://store.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/d7/priv/sma15-4928.pdf
This link is to give health professionals and family members information regarding effective and ineffective therapy types for those who are relating or identifying with the LGBTQ+ community.
Healthy Children from the American Academy of Pediatrics
“Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Teens: Facts for Teens and Their Parents”: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Gay-Lesbian-and-Bisexual-Teens-Facts-for-Teens-and-Their-Parents.aspx
This link provides facts that can be discussed and used with parents and LGBTQ+ teens.
“Coming Out: Information for Parents of LGBT Teens”: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Four-Stages-of-Coming-Out.aspx
This link provides resources and ways you can be there for you LGBTQ+ teen especially if and when they decide to come out to you.
Johns Hopkins Medicine
“Tips for Parents of LGBTQ Youth”: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/tips-for-parents-of-lgbtq-youth
This resource provides tips for how you can be the best ally to your LGBTQ+ youth.
National Center for Cultural Competence, Georgetown University Center for Child and Human Development
“Helping Families Support Their Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Children”: https://nccc.georgetown.edu/documents/LGBT_Brief.pdf
This link provides an overview of how to support your loved ones identifying with the LGBTQ+ community and most important things to know.
Sean’s Legacy
“A to Z Glossary of LGBTQ+ Terminology”: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5cd99c37f4e53160079bc717/t/5ee93085b6d48337263db037/1592340614297/LGBTQ%2B+Glossary.pdf
Our LGBTQ+ Glossary gives an extensive look at different terminology. This can be used to increase knowledge and spread awareness of the diverse identities and experiences in the LGBTQ+ community.