Lesbian Couples’ Entering Parenthood

Lesbian Couples and Their Path to Starting A Family

If you are in a lesbian relationship and want to start a your own family, don’t lose hope! Here are some of the many different options available. 

Option 1: Intrauterine insemination (IUI), also known as artificial insemination using either a known or anonymous sperm donor.

Option 2: Co-IVF, also known as Co-in vitro fertilization. 

Option 3: Surrogacy, which can involve hiring either a gestational carrier or traditional surrogate.

Option 4: Adoption, which may be public, private, or international.

Let’s start with IUI, or artificial insemination- this process involves choosing one partner to become pregnant using her own eggs. The process uses donor sperm that’s inserted into the uterus using a long, skinny catheter. According to Healthline Parenthood, the overall success rate of IUI varies depending on many factors, including any underlying fertility issues, the type of sperm used, and other considerations like your age and overall health. Another option is at-home insemination, which is less expensive and allows you to be in the comfort of your own home (Marcin, 2020). 

Here are a few things you should think about before moving forward with IUI:

  • IUI may not be covered by your health insurance and may cost anywhere from a couple hundred dollars up to $4,000 for a single cycle.

  • The success rate is dependent on your fertility, which takes into account your age and ovarian reserve, among other factors.

  • You may get pregnant with more than one child when using fertility medications to stimulate egg production. This could mean having twins or maybe even triplets.

Next, let's talk about Co-IVF, or Co-in vitro fertilization- this process involves one partner providing the eggs and the other partner carrying the embryos during an IVF cycle. This way, both partners are able to participate in the pregnancy in some way. The process is similar to traditional IVF, except both partners will need to take oral contraceptive pills to synchronize their cycles before the subsequent procedures take place (Marcin, 2020). According to Dr. Copperman at RMA of New York, Co-IVF is the latest fertility treatment for same-sex female couples, or any two people who both possess a uterus (2018). Co-IVF is also known as Reciprocal IVF. 

Here are a few things you should think about before moving forward with Co-IVF:

  • Co-IVF is most often not covered by insurance. Only 25% of Americans have coverage for IVF, and most plans do cover IVF requiring many failed IUIs before they cover IVF.

  • It costs anywhere from $5,500 to over $30,000, with an average cost of over $20,000 in the United States. The cost of reciprocal IVF is incredibly variable and depends on: the clinic, medication protocols, and add on services like genetic testing or sex/gender selection.

  • Make sure to discuss ahead of time: whose eggs you will use, who will carry the pregnancy, and whose sperm you will use (CNY Fertility, 2020).

There are also the more traditional options too, such as surrogacy, in the event that neither partner wants to be pregnant, or one or both has fertility issues, or adoption if you don’t feel that biological relation is necessary for your family (Marcin, 2020).When it comes to surrogacy, they may be either a gestational carrier, meaning that the surrogate has no biological link to the baby, or a traditional surrogate, where the surrogate is the biological mother. According to Healthline Parenthood, West Coast Surrogacy shares that total costs may range between $90,000 and $130,000. The money you pay will cover things like the surrogate fee, medical fees, legal fees, and other areas up to your discretion, such as a maternity clothing stipend (2020). Lastly, adoption is a great option because there are so many children in foster care who need families. There are several types of adoption to consider, including the following: 

  • Public, which involves adopting a child through the United States child welfare system, which includes children as young as infants and up to teenagers. There are very little expenses involved with this type of adoption. 

  • Private, which involves adopting a child through a private agency. It may cost $20,000 to $45,000, but this will vary depending on your specific agency. There may also be other costs, such as home study fees, added on top of the overall cost.

  • International, which involves adopting a child from another country. Costs range between $20,000 and $50,000. These will vary and may be higher or lower depending on certain fees, travel expenses, etc. (Marcin, 2020).

All things considered, I’d say we are definitely making progress for same-sex couples who want to start a family! Although there are benefits and considerations with each route, please don’t rush into anything without sitting down and talking to your partner first. You should also consider meeting with a few doctors or agencies before choosing what’s right for you and your family. These doctors know what they are talking about and can help guide you through this whole process. 

Yours Truly, 

Myesha Sapp

Resources: 

Copperman, A. (2018, December 3). For Female Couples Co-IVF is on the Rise: RMA of New York - World Class Fertility Service. Reproductive Medicine Associates of New York. https://www.rmany.com/blog/for-female-couples-co-ivf-is-on-the-rise.

Lesbian Couple Pregnancy Options for Having Babies. CCRM Fertility. (2020, November 25). https://www.ccrmivf.com/lesbian-couple-family-building/.

Magarelli, P. (2020, July 30). Reciprocal IVF: About, Timeline, Costs, and More. CNY Fertility. https://www.cnyfertility.com/reciprocal-ivf/.

Marcin, A. (2020, September 23). Lesbian Pregnancy: Options and Considerations for Building ... Healthline Parenthood. https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/lesbian-pregnancy.

Myesha Sapp